ARTMIX PRESENTS

WOULD YOU GIVE UP, OR TRY AGAIN?

PAINTINGS BY NIKKI OWENS

ARTIST STATEMENT

LAST YEAR MY DAD DIED, I NEARLY DIVORCED MY HUSBAND OF 23 YEARS, I MADE MYSELF PRETTY MISERABLE AND I CONSTANTLY TOLD MYSELF I WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH.

I HAVE ALWAYS CONSIDERED MYSELF CREATIVE BUT NEVER CALLED OR CONSIDERED MYSELF AN ARTIST. MY HUSBAND GIVES PAINTING LESSONS TO ONE PERSON, AND HE INVITED ME TO JOIN IN AND PUSH MYSELF A LITTLE BIT. I DID IT, THOUGHT I WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH AND GAVE UP FOR A BIT.

I DECIDED TO TRY AGAIN AFTER MY DAD DIED, I WENT BACK TO THE STUDIO, JOINED THE PAINTING LESSON AND STARTED AGAIN WITH NO INTENTION OF CREATING A BODY OF WORK. I JUMPED IN AND IT FELT GOOD, AND THEN I WENT HOME AND DOVE BACK INTO MY MISERY.

FAST FORWARD, I WAS READY TO GIVE UP ON MY MARRIAGE. I GET JEALOUS AND HULK GREEN WITH ENVY BECAUSE HE IS SO INSPIRING…SOMEONE I LOOK UP TO AND WANT TO BE. ALWAYS POSITIVE, OPTIMISTIC AND ALWAYS MAKING ME FEEL LESS THAN GOOD ENOUGH. I WAS ALWAYS ANGRY AND THEN REALIZED IT WASN’T HIM MAKING ME FEEL THIS WAY, IT WAS TOTALLY ME AND INSTEAD OF BEING INFLUENCED BY HIM I CHOSE TO BE THE OPPOSITE.

I’VE NEVER SAID TO ANYONE OR TO MYSELF THAT I WAS DEPRESSED, IN THE BACK OF MY MIND I’VE ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT TAKING ANTIDEPRESSANTS WAS SORT OF CHEATING AND NOT DEALING WITH REAL FEELINGS AND THEN EARLIER THIS YEAR I STARTED TAKING ONE AND IT CHANGED EVERYTHING.

I REALIZED THAT I DON’T EVER WANT TO GIVE UP AND NO MATTER WHAT I WILL ALWAYS TRY AGAIN.